elizabeth elzer: how to cure torpor

... make a to-do list!

I'm finding events fast overtaking me. My two-year position at the Fed is nearly up, and suddenly I'm obliged to be making decisions about the future. As anyone who's talked with me more than once about the subject knows, I change my mind about what I should do next just about every time I think about it.

Since procrastinating will soon no longer be an option, I'm suddenly feeling very motivated to figure things the hell out.

Step #1: I signed up to take the GRE's in five weeks, and went out to get myself a prep book. Vocabulary flashcards on the metro turns out to be sort of fun! And amazingly, I'm encountering more than a few words that I've never even seen before, let alone know the definitions of. April 2nd is test day. Hopefully I can re-learn geometry by then. Why take the GRE's? Apart from various practical reasons, it's symbolic of moving forward - of doing something. It signifies to myself, if no one else, that I intend to make some kind of decision some day. Possibly. Maybe.

Step #2: Casually search for jobs to take post-Fed. I'm only planning on applying to jobs that seem absolutely great. If something comes of it, great. And secretly,if nothing turns up, I'm planning on interpreting it as a sign that I should cut loose and plunge wildly away from the practicalities of good salaries, respectable institutions, and competitive striving. I could move to Knoxville and sell home-made ice cream with my sister. Maybe the air on Gay Street will give me a little bit of what it gave Cormac McCarthy.

Step #3: Don't injure myself trying to get fit for this race in April... seriously, my legs are in agony.

Step #4: Show up at a practice LSAT in April, just to see what the test is like, and whether I do reasonably well. This is a bit of a hedge against the "cut loose and plunge" option above. It makes doing something heedless like spending a year reading my brains out and writing short stories -- or trying to -- seem less frightening. Because I could always high-tail it back to those practicalities - the ones that feel so constraining right now.